MONTE CARLO, MONACO (WIN) -- A woman linked to the royal family in this tiny principality, which consists of a casino, a bank, a castle, a cathedral and a marina, reportedly destroyed an entire wing of a hospital (OK there's a hospital, too) early Thursday.
The woman, known as the Countess (and some really long unpronounceable name that will freeze my computer if I use spellcheck) had been in a coma in the hospital after a botched cosmetic surgery.
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Witnesses said she suddenly awoke from the coma, jumped out of her bed, smashed medical equipment and furniture and kicked down several walls. She also reportedly threw doctors, nurses and security personnel around like rag dolls before jumping through a fifth-floor window. Later, witnesses at the marina reported a "monster" jumped into the water and swam out into the Mediterranean Sea.
One woman who arrived to visit the Countess just moments after her escape said, simply, "This is unacceptable." The woman, who did not leave her name, then broke a WIN photographer's arm, and tore off his left ear with her teeth before spitting it out and saying, "No photographs, please, my dear boy."
A spokesman for the Grimaldi family said the Countess' relationship to the royals is unclear: "There are lots of royals running around these days and it's hard to keep track of them all. We just keep checking the police news. One thing is certain: They all have too much money and too much time on their hands. However, if she is one of ours, we have no comment."
Prince Albert has reigned over Monaco, which seems to exist solely as a tax shelter for the very rich, since the death of his father, Prince Rainier, in 2005. A spokesman for the prince said, "No, he is not in a can and never has been. Grow up."
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