Some good news and some bad news

Hello my dear friends. Many of you may be fortunate enough to know me, but for those of you poor souls who do not, my name is Marge.

I had recently been unduly banished from this pathetic excuse for a blog, but thanks to some fortuitous circumstances, I have returned. From, Hell? I think not. And neither from Hades. as the deranged gardener lurking about these headquarters insists on calling it. (Had I been traveling from the underworld, however, might I have passed a certain inebriated blogger traveling in the other direction? Ho ho!)

And this of course is the good news as indicated by the headline above: I'm back.

I'm back to spread the jagged truth. I'm back to spread my ample wisdom. I am back to share my grand vision on how to save this wretched place we call Allentown. In the weeks and months to come I will give more specifics on my plans to revitalize these squalid environs. And if during that time I am called to lead this city, I shan't back away from that burden.

But all of this can wait. We shall have plenty of time to get to know each other.

Now, because I cannot save the world, as it were, on my own, I'd like to reintroduce my two very capable assistants, who, together with myself, will form Team Marge: The Player and R. Dodger.

As you may recall, these two striking figures were hounded from this blog for their loyalty to me and my vision. They shall be rewarded here and in heaven I have no doubt for their perseverance and unbending commitment to all that is good and righteous.

Before I sign off on the first post of the Marge Era, there is a bit of unpleasant business I must attend to.

Sadly, to some of you anyway, Mr. Atown-Liker is deceased. Apparently he was celebrating his reprehensible actions of yesterday, when he summarily banned my to faithful assistants from his so-called blog. As if he needed an excuse to carry on his intemperate excesses. From what can be ascertained he inadvertently consumed a non-alcoholic beer, fell into shock and staggered off and died miserably in an alley behind the Allentown Brew Works. His body was whisked to Lehigh Valley Hospital where it was detonated by the county's bomb squad as a precautionary measure. They say an autopsy will be impossible.

I imagine that hot dog of his has been removed from his grasp once and for all, yes? Ho ho! But I digress.

This turn of events may be considered, to some misguided souls at least, to be the bad news I alluded to earlier. But I prefer to see it as an opportunity.

Where Atown-Liker would see the glass as half-full (a half-full glass of beer no doubt that he would attempt to finish in a single greedy gulp), I see the glass as a weapon to throw in the face of my tormentors.

To Atown-Liker. Allentown was nice and he liked it here. He was happy simply because someone decided to build a $7 million bar a stone's throw from these headquarters. How perfectly mundane. How terribly inconsiderate of Death to interrupt his lifelong coma.

Not for Marge. No, no, no. Marge is a fighter and Allentown is nice no longer. Allentown is my enemy and I intend to vanquish it, just as Atown-Liker himself was vanquished. (In Atown-Liker's case he was vanquished by natural causes, let's be clear on that point. I'm certain an autopsy, had one been possible, would have shown that to be the case.)

Like death, I shall interrupt this city's coma and what rises from its ashes will be an unspeakably wondrous accomplishment the likes of which mankind ...

Excuse me, my team of physicians has finally arrived and I must attend to them immediately.

Courage!