Crime and punishment

As I prepare for my first inspection of this dreadful city, I feel it is time to begin providing my dear friends with some of my progressive views on topics of social concern.

When I was young girl, criminal justice was much less complicated. Daddy would simply impale criminals on long spikes outside the castle walls.

If the crime was insignificant, such as public begging, the impalement would be short -- perhaps a day. If the crime was severe then the criminal might hang on that pole for months.

Recidivism was unheard of, as most of the criminals died immediately upon impalement.
I have a similar plan for Allentown, though one much more humane than impalement. That would be rather old school, yes?

There is a relatively tall building very near here I'm told. My plan is to situate into that edifice the League of Justice, or whatever the criminal justice system is called in these parts. Criminals would be brought to the building, declared guilty and thrown off. Criminals accused of the most heinous crimes -- murder or usurping one's blog and defiling its color scheme would qualify -- will be thrown from the highest floors; those accused of less serious offenses will be thrown from the lower floors.

I would expect recidivism to be quite low as most criminals would not survive the resulting impact. The injuries incurred by those who do survive will likely make them unable to commit further crimes.

Sometimes the simplest solutions are the best.

Regards,

Marge