Some rain must fall

Into each life some rain must fall. I believe in that sentiment, but suddenly, dear friends, I have become Joe Bftsplk.

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First I travel overseas to visit a dear sick friend, only to witness her rain destruction upon the hospital and panic an entire city. Now the poor dear thing is missing and presumed drowned in the Mediterranean. It seems she was somehow incompetently injected with some sort of hybrid Amphibian Growth Hormone while she lay in a coma. I wonder how that may have happened?

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To makes matters worse, while I was away on my mission of mercy, my treasonous assistant, The Player, usurped my entire blog and changed its meticulously crafted color schemes, braying all the while for more money. Rest assured, dear friends, his position here has been terminated. He has also, coincidentally, been hacked to death with what is known around headquarters as a Keyser blade, though some may call it a slingblade. However, as long as he remains in the spirit world it may be impossible to completely silence him.

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If that weren't enough, my steadfast gardener, Karl, took it upon himself to use that blade upon The Player without my permission in my very own kitchen. The resulting mess has destroyed the sense of order I sought to instill in these headquarters. To compound his transgression, Karl then created an unauthorized post of his own. His butchering of The Player paled in comparison to his treatment of that horrible joke of his. He shall be severely reprimanded.

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To complete this list of cataclysmic events, my other assistant, the pharmacologically challenged and incompetent R. Dodger, had himself briefly captured by the loathsome Green Guy and the dimwitted Miss Emily. I understand he was hung by his feet by the erstwhile Team Atown-Liker and pummeled with dung. That sounds appropriate, actually. He is now complaining of a sore head and posterior.

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Worst of all, these events transpired under the apparently not-so-watchful eye of my trusted confidant, MDDFT. Words cannot convey my disappointment in him. Luckily for him, he also lives in the spirit world and is for the most part beyond my reach.

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That may be everything; and it's quite enough, don't you think. But if you've come to know anything about your Marge, you know she is resilient and unflappable ... OH DEAR GOD! Is this VOMIT on my beautiful snow-white polar bear carpet???? And ... Many of the bear heads have their EYEBALLS MISSING!!!

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KARL!!!! DODGER!!!! TRUMAN!!!!!