Thursday, June 18, 2009

Congratulations! You're going to hell

Who else wishes to go to hell?

I'll answer your damn questions!

Very well. At a company fish fry, half the people in attendance are employees. Employees' spouses are one-third of the attendance. What is the percentage of people in attendance who are neither employees nor employee spouses?

When have you ever been to a damn fish fry?

Answer the question.

That's 16.7 percent, Skelator.

Amazingly, you are correct. ... Now the seond question. ... What is the Farenheit equivalent of zero degrees Kelvin?

Negative 459.67 Farenheit ... chump.

You are clever, but your third question will have to wait. Next up, the little reindeer.

Damn!

I'm ready!

If two of Santa's sleighs leave the North Pole 1 p.m., how many miles apart will they be at 3 p.m. if one travels directly north at 150 mph and the other travels directly west at 200 mph?

Santa only has one sleigh!


No, he has two! Remember? He has the battle sleigh!


The battlesleigh was destroyed by Gabriel. Remember?

Oh, right.

It is a hypothetical question. Just answer it!

Based on a false premise! Besides, Santa always starts his journey at midnight, not 1 p.m.

But there is no one time zone at the North Pole because all of the time zones meet there, theoretically. So somewhere in the world it would be 1 p.m. and for that country it also would be 1 p.m. at the North Pole.

You're not helping.

Answer the question now!

Fine. You can't travel north from the North Pole! Ha!

The Troll Bridge Commission accepts your answer. Next question. Socrates was a follower of Plato. True or false.

False! Plato was a follower of Socrates and Aristotle was a follower of Plato!

There goes my next question.

Heck! I would have gotten that.

Final question. Finish this sentence: On the eleventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me ...

Oh, God. I hate that song ....

Answer the question.

I'd like a life line.

A lifeline? There are no life lines.

Hmmm. It's either pipers piping or swans a swimming. ...

Pssst. Ahhh-chooooswans!

Um ... I'm going to go with swans a swimming

Is that your final answer?

Final answer!

Congratulations! You're going to hell.

Crap! POOF !

Who's next?

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