ALLENTOWN IS NICE: The seance continues

Friday, August 29, 2008

The seance continues

I am a little angel! Two hours have passed as the ghost of the adult Maximillian A. Bear Jr. explains in detail what the the ghost of the boy Maximillian A. Bear Jr. and his friends must do to destroy Marge. However, as both Maxes feared, the convergence of their spirits has triggered some unearthly phenomena.

This is where I come in sweetie. You see, bad things are happening here. Nasty stuff. You hear that thunder? It's not thunder at all -- you see, a sixth-dimensional rift is about to open any second that could obliterate this entire timeline. And all of these folks here might just find themselves in my neck of the woods. This is freakin' awesome!

Oh, stop! In truth neither of us know what may happen exactly, but that the consequences would be dire. Ah, look. The seance is about to end and not a moment too soon.

Let's scram, toots!

********************************************

I can stay no longer. My presence here may trigger forces that are beyond our control. Good luck, my little polar bear self. And remember always: Marge must be destroyed. Oh, and the aromatic herbs were a nice touch.

I understand, gentle spirit. Return now in peace to your resting place. The seance is concluded. Truman, blow out the candles quickly and everyone break the circle. I told you he would like the herbs.

Hmmmm. I reckon the green feller already broke the circle when he disappeared. Hmmmm.

Disappeared! How? My God, what has happened to him?

I saw it myself. There was a flash of light and -- POOF! -- the Green Guy disappeared just as I blew out the candles.

Hmmmm. I reckon havin them two Maxes around here opened a sixth dimensional rift in our reality and the green feller got hisself sucked into it. Hmmmmm. I reckon he been pulled into Parallel Time.

ZZZZZZZZZzzzz. Huh! Is it over? ... Oh, hi Marge.

Greetings, all. I am home. What's for dinner? Oh, silly me. YOU ARE!

Damn! She's HUGE. POOF!

Marge! I believe I have an appointment of some sort. POOF!

Karl! Miss Emily! To the secret room! Run for your lives! Truman, come back!

Hmmmm. Stand behind me Miss Emily. I'll protect ye. I reckon I gotta kill ol' Marge. Hmmmm. She look kinda funny bein' nine foots tall.

Are you looking for this Keyser blade of yours Karl? Or should I call it a sling blade? I rather think you will look "funny" with it protruding from your a ... Good heavens! The polar bear rugs have come alive and are biting my ankles. I shall make short work of them with this blade ....

Truman, thank you for coming back. Now quickly, everyone, to the secret room!

Don't mention it, Max. It's sort of fun being a polar bear rug!

MARGE! Gurgle.

*************************************************

Is that it? WTF? Well, I like the giant Marge at least. And the sea monster.

I like the little polar bear. He's so cute!

Oh, shut up.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Meanwhile ...

... A group of Allentonians has traveled into the past in an attempt to kill the demon Marge before she comes to Allentown and destroys the city. However, they have repeatedly failed in those attempts. They have bungled them so badly, in fact, that they have created an Alternate Timeline in which Marge lives quietly in her chalet in Turkey and calls herself Mrs. Egram, in which she never eats her brother Ronan and in which she becomes a significantly less evil demon than the one that is destroying Allentown in the present. The time travelers -- demon hunter extraordinaire Maximillian A. Bear, his son Max Jr. (formerly the polar bear cub spirit Max), Karl, the Green Guy and Truman (the ghost who was transformed into a flying polar bear rug when he escaped from Marge via the Secret Room time portal) -- find themselves trapped in Alternate Time, having run afoul of the Crows (principally through eating several of them) who previously had assisted in their journeys through time. The time travelers have joined with Mrs. Egram in an attempt to travel to non-Alternate Allentown to stop Marge in the present time, where St. Michael the Archangel struggles with steroid detoxification as he continues to be locked in mortal combat with Marge in the streets of downtown Allentown, which has largely been transformed into a smoldering ruin. Meanwhile still-unemployed super agent Jack Bauer and a small band of followers have traveled to Parallel time to battle a new enemy to heaven itself -- the deceased actor Paul Newman, or so they believe. Newman took control of Parallel heaven and initiated the celestial lockdown protocols, blocking travel to and from Parallel Time. However one portal remains open -- that guarded by the mysterious Old Donovan in a forgotten comfort station deep beneath downtown Allentown. It was believed that Newman seized Parallel Heaven after drugging Jesus with tainted tortilla chips; however, a new story seems to be emerging. The Bauer party, however, has been separated, with Bauer traveling to the Parallel Antarctic Vatican; Atown-Liker ending up in the TV Chef Network Studios, where he is reunited with the Countess of Monaco, who has be retransformed from a sea monster back into a woman who sort of looks like a sea monster; and the Player washing up at Parallel Atown Liker's headquarters. Also, Rudolph and Gen. Trexler have been banished to hell for not answering Old Donovan's questions correctly and Bubbles, the little angel, was banished to the Macungies. Their fates will be determined at some point in a flashback. Meanwhile, Bauer has learned that Newman is not his target. The enemy of heaven is actually the Crows, who are attempting to bring about the Apocalypse through the use of an ancient holy artifact being guarded at the South Pole by Parallel Pope Boneyface. Meanwhile, while in Parallel Time, non-Parallel Atown-Liker was nosing around Parallel Atown-Liker's headquarters where he either had a massive hallucination or was transported to Dickensian London via a Secret Armoire. Meanwhile, the Irish warrior Cuchulainn remains dead after being mortally wounded by Trexler; and the Spanish Armada, led by turncoat Archangel Gabriel, remains quiet after being defeated by an underwater assault by Trexler and the frightening firepower of Santa's Battle Sleigh 1. With the help of Little Ronan (a.k.a. Parallel Time-Alternate Timeline Purgatory Ronan) and [[[Spoiler Alert!]]] Rudolph, Santa recovered sufficiently enough from depression, substance abuse and the death of Prancer to deliver the goods on Christmas. Meanwhile, the fate of Ponzi remains unclear. Previously Newman sent his small dog into Parallel Time to ingratiate himself with President Madoff and to steal Madoff's investment fund. Ponzi was forced into hiding after angering Kevin Bacon, the Muppet Bert and some TV chefs who have vowed to cook and eat him.