No wonder he's dead

O.K. If you really want to find Atown-Liker in the spirit world, you should probably look in a bar -- a spirit world bar, that is, like Cannons or the Federal Grill. Would you care for a mojito?

Make that a NO-jito. You got any protein shakes?

Protein shake? Hmm. I'll let that one go by. I think we should start off with Cannons. God knows he spent a good part of his life in that place. ... POOF! Here we are. It hasn't changed a bit. There's Frank himself tending bar! And there's Joe Rednagle giving back rubs. And there's that fellow who came in almost every day in his pajamas and bathrobe. ... And look, the big painting hasn't been moronically destroyed. And ...

Hey Barbra Streisand, enough with 'The Way We Were.' He's not here. And I need to get paid. Don't you owe me some money?

No! ... Let's try the Federal Grill. He's been dead a month -- he may still be at the bar waiting for a beer. POOF! ... Hmmm. It's closed even when it's supposed to be open. I guess even spirit world bars can close if the service is slow enough.

You sound like some damn apologist! Hey look at that line outside Johnny Mañanas. That's more than a mile long.

That's not Johnny Mañanas. That's heaven. It only looks like Johnny Mañanas. See the velvet ropes? And the bouncer there with the Bluetooth ... that's St. Peter.

Do they charge a cover?

Not if you're on the list -- or if you show up with supermodels. But you have to know somebody. Do you have any connections?

Do I know somebody?? Does the name Jesus ring a bell? Jesus is my boy. He's saving me a seat right up there beside him. I just need to collect on a few debts so I can live in style once I get inside.

Well, good for you. How much does Atown-Liker owe you anyway? It's not like he ever had much money, and when he did spend it he certainly complained about it enough. Did you see what he wrote about Bolete?

Hell, I never read this stupid blog when I was alive. I sure ain't gonna start now. ... Well, he told me one time he would buy me a beer but he never did. Hell, The Player doesn't even drink beer. I figure with interest he owes me 1,000 bucks.

Wow. Good luck with that. ... Hey, before you go off to sit at the right hand of Jesus, I've been meaning to ask you something. What do you know about the secret room? You know, the place where Karl hid the cats.

Don't get me started on Karl and those damn cats. Those cats got me killed! ... And it's gonna be the LEFT hand! ... That stupid room is up in the attic someplace, but you can't see it -- it just looks like a brick wall from the outside. Spirits can't even go in there. Karl says there's some damn little kids livin in there and they like to play with those stupid cats. That's all I know.

Karl has children imprisoned in the attic?? You know, it takes a lot to rattle a ghost, but I just got a chill. I'm aquiver with dread. We should save them. Does Marge know about this?

I don't know and I don't care. What I care about is getting paid so I can go to heaven. Hell, if damn old Marge knew about them kids she'd probably just boil them or hang them on the wall or somethin. ... I don't think Karl has them locked up. He said they just live there ... in the past.

In the past? Hmmm. Very interesting. ... Well, one crisis at a time. Let's pop over to the Traylor. On a nice night Atown-Liker used to frequent the patio at Hary's .

He hung out at Hary's?? Hell, no wonder he's dead.

POOF!