Thank you, Jesus

St. Michael the Archangel speaking, what can I do ya for?

Please hold.


Please hold?! What the ... Hey, you called me! Son of a ... I don't even have an assistant. I'll bet anything it's Gabriel. I am gonna tear him a new ...


Hey, Michael, long time no talk to ...

You son of a ... uh ... g-g. Um. Sir? Hello, sir. Son of, um, God.


Wow! Why so formal all of a sudden? I mean usually it's Junior right?

Um, guh ...

Dude, chill, I'm just yankin your chain. Lighten up! Michael, how have you been?

Oh, yes. Right. I'm well, Jesus. I mean Mr. Christ. To what do I owe the honor, if I may be so bold as to ask?

Well, it's about this whole sixth-dimensional thing that's going on. I'm really going to need you to carry the ball on this one, like, you know, be proactive and really step up and take ownership of it. I mean, it's a total mess and you are, like, the only one I can trust this to.

You can count on me Jesus. You know I would lay down my life for you, my Lord.

I totally know that, dude. Seriously, that's why you are, like, the only person I'd even think of to handle this. I still remember that time when you stood up for me and kicked Lucifer's ass! That was so awesome. He was all like "I will not kneel down before the son of God, I was here first" and you were like "You better kneel down now, dude" and he was like "Grrr." and you were like "Step off, dude" and then you just kicked his ass! That was so cool. You've been my go-to guy ever since.

Thank you Jesus, I appreciate that. And it was my pleasure to banish Lucifer from heaven. If anyone deserved it, he did. ... But this rift thing is awfully complicated. I'm not sure how to proceed. ... And, um, someone you know is involved ...

You mean the Player. You know, I don't know what the deal is with him. He's been kind of dissing me. I mean he's been dead for weeks, right, but he's still hanging out in the spirit world and dragging his feet instead of coming to be with his Lord in heaven. I mean, we were gonna watch the games on Sunday and he didn't even show. And now this whole thing with the sixth-dimensional rift. I don't know what to say. He's making me look like a putz.


I hear he's got some money problems.


He's got some kind of problems, that's for sure. But, seriously, you can't take it with you dude! Am I right?

Tell me about it. ... But I'm wondering if there's a way we can use this. It seems he's been trying to settle some old debts -- real and imagined -- so he can afford to do heaven in style. I mean, this guy really wants to go first class, right? So, maybe we can use that as leverage to get his help in closing the rift. I mean, he helped open the damn thing ... er, darn thing. Sorry.

Hey, it's cool. What happens in heaven stays in heaven, am I right? So, most of these dudes jumped into a time portal, huh? And they'll be hard to track down. ... So we sorta need the Player's help on this?


I think we need to get him on board. .... If you don't mind me asking, why do we even let those time portals exist? No good has ever come from one of those things. I've been voting against them for years.


Hey, I'm with you, man. But it's the same old story. People don't like change, so we had to grandfather them in. At least we don't have any new ones, right? ... It seems like we just keep doing the same stuff millennium after millennium, doesn't it? But don't let it bum you out, dude. It's guys like you that keep pushing things ahead, man. We need progressive angels like you. You're a change agent. That's how we think of you upstairs, man. A change agent.


Really? Thank you Jesus. I appreciate that. It's nice to feel like I'm not just banging my head against the clouds around here. ... So can you handle the Player? Maybe appeal to his more generous nature?

Ha! Right! You kill me, dude. I'm on it. Anything else I can do?

Well, if you don't mind me asking, what about the Marge angle in all of this?

Marge. ... Marge, Marge, freakin Marge! That ... woman ... is working on my last nerve. You know, I set up a whole committee of cherubim just to deal with Marge and they give me nothing but lunch and dinner bills. They sit around all day getting fat on my dime. ... Dude, let's just get this rift patched up. We'll deal with Marge later.