The seance continues

I am a little angel! Two hours have passed as the ghost of the adult Maximillian A. Bear Jr. explains in detail what the the ghost of the boy Maximillian A. Bear Jr. and his friends must do to destroy Marge. However, as both Maxes feared, the convergence of their spirits has triggered some unearthly phenomena.
This is where I come in sweetie. You see, bad things are happening here. Nasty stuff. You hear that thunder? It's not thunder at all -- you see, a sixth-dimensional rift is about to open any second that could obliterate this entire timeline. And all of these folks here might just find themselves in my neck of the woods. This is freakin' awesome!
Oh, stop! In truth neither of us know what may happen exactly, but that the consequences would be dire. Ah, look. The seance is about to end and not a moment too soon.
Let's scram, toots!

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I can stay no longer. My presence here may trigger forces that are beyond our control. Good luck, my little polar bear self. And remember always: Marge must be destroyed. Oh, and the aromatic herbs were a nice touch.
I understand, gentle spirit. Return now in peace to your resting place. The seance is concluded. Truman, blow out the candles quickly and everyone break the circle. I told you he would like the herbs.
Hmmmm. I reckon the green feller already broke the circle when he disappeared. Hmmmm.
Disappeared! How? My God, what has happened to him?

I saw it myself. There was a flash of light and -- POOF! -- the Green Guy disappeared just as I blew out the candles.
Hmmmm. I reckon havin them two Maxes around here opened a sixth dimensional rift in our reality and the green feller got hisself sucked into it. Hmmmmm. I reckon he been pulled into Parallel Time.
ZZZZZZZZZzzzz. Huh! Is it over? ... Oh, hi Marge.


Greetings, all. I am home. What's for dinner? Oh, silly me. YOU ARE!

Damn! She's HUGE. POOF!

Marge! I believe I have an appointment of some sort. POOF!

Karl! Miss Emily! To the secret room! Run for your lives! Truman, come back!

Hmmmm. Stand behind me Miss Emily. I'll protect ye. I reckon I gotta kill ol' Marge. Hmmmm. She look kinda funny bein' nine foots tall.

Are you looking for this Keyser blade of yours Karl? Or should I call it a sling blade? I rather think you will look "funny" with it protruding from your a ... Good heavens! The polar bear rugs have come alive and are biting my ankles. I shall make short work of them with this blade ....
Truman, thank you for coming back. Now quickly, everyone, to the secret room!
Don't mention it, Max. It's sort of fun being a polar bear rug!

MARGE! Gurgle.


*************************************************

Is that it? WTF? Well, I like the giant Marge at least. And the sea monster.

I like the little polar bear. He's so cute!


Oh, shut up.

A spiritual connection

Everything seems to be in order. Three candles surrounded by aromatic herbs burn in the center of the round table. The smell of the herbs will arouse the curiosity of the spirit we wish to contact and he will be drawn by the warmth and light of the candles. When I dim the lights the six of us will hold hands, or paws as it were, and close our eyes ...

No monkey business!

Miss Emily, please. As I was saying, the six of us will now hold hands. Please close your eyes and clear your minds of all distractions.

My only distraction is gonna come when Atown-Liker shows up and gives me my money!

Player, please! If your mind is not clear or if you are skeptical as to the outcome of this ceremony we will not be successful. If you cooperate I will give you the money Atown-Liker owes you myself.

Where are you gonna get the money? You're a damn polar bear. You don't even have pockets!

Stop already. Trust me, you'll get your money. Now please let's continue. We don't have a lot of time.

Please. Everyone, close your eyes, hold hands and concentrate on the business at hand. ... We seek to meet with a spirit. A spirit who has been apart from this world for a very long time. His name is Maximillian, Maximillian A. Bear, Jr. You left this world tragically and unexpectedly ...

Howdy! I'm Max Baer Jr.!

Hmmm. It's the wrong spellin. Is you even dead?

Actually, no, he's not. I think this is the ghost of his acting career.

Hmmmm. I bet that feller from Arkansas.

Spirit, we thank you for honoring us with your presence, but it is another spirit that we seek. Please go now in peace. .... We have gathered to seek the spirit of Maximillian A. Bear. The spirit we seek is an older spirit. Gone from this world longer than that of Max Baer's acting career. ...

Talk about the bum of the month club. What a buncha pugs this is.

Oh Lord. It's Max Baer Sr. -- Jethro Daddy. I'm afraid we'll be here all night. Mojito anyone?

Mr. Baer. You grace us with your presence but we seek another. Please go now.

If you see a fat guy with a hotdog and a thousand dollars, send him our way ...

Oh my. I feel quite strange .... It's as if I ... I ... I am Maximillian A. Bear Jr. Who has summoned me? What do you want with me. I have rested for more than 100 years.

Maximillian A. Bear Jr., it is I, Maximillian A. Bear Jr. who have summoned you. Do you intend to use the Green Guy as your medium?

I do. Who is this small polar bear that has taken my name?

That story is rather complicated, I am afraid. But you can read about it on this blog at your leisure. You see through an accidental change in the timeline, you and I are the same spirit, but at different ages.

If that is true I must leave this place immediately. The repercussions of the two of us being in the same realm and at this close proximity could be cataclysmic!

That is exactly what I said! But, please, wait. We require your assistance, spirit. You see, we are in mortal conflict with Marge.

Marge? Marge lives? This cannot be! Marge must be destroyed!

I said that exact thing too! It was the very title of my last post! Oh I missed you so Maximillian. ... Yes Marge is here in this realm. In fact we believe she may be coming for us at this very moment. We need your help to destroy her.

I will help you, but you must do exactly as I say ....

Marge must be destroyed

To: All members of Team Marge, the Green Team and the spirit of Atown-Liker.

From: Maximillian A. Bear, Jr.

Re: Obliteration of Marge.

I think it has become obvious to all of you by now that Marge must be destroyed. I believe this can only be accomplished if we unite toward this common goal.

As you know, Marge is still at the beach. Most likely she is miniature golfing and investigating evidence related to the sea monster which seems to be steadily making its way toward Allentown, having lately been spotted near Point Pleasant eating cats and dogs.

I don't think it is too far a stretch to assume the sea monster is actually The Duchess, who was attacked in her hospital bed in Monte Carlo at the behest of Marge by a bumbling R. Dodger, who while attempting to poison her inadvertently injected her with some sort of amphibian growth hormone which, one might assume, he had obtained for his personal consumption.

I also think it is fair to assume that the sea monster is coming here for Marge.

With that in mind, I will submit a proposal for your approval. But first I shall divulge a bit of personal history.

As you know, I used to be a boy in this house 140 years ago. Through a series of events which I shall not repeat here, I am now the disembodied spirit of a polar bear cub living in your time. My corpse as well as those of my comrades adorn the floor of these headquarters, serving as rugs.

I am not the only one who has suffered under Marge. Atown-Liker is dead; killed I believe by the nefarious Dodger. The Green Guy and Miss Emily have been banished to forage in the woods, fearing for their lives. Karl has been banished permanently to the shed. The Player has been killed -- yes I realize that Karl actually did that, but still -- and is owed money. The Duchess has been apparently transformed into a sea monster following botched cosmetic surgery. I believe the spirit Truman, once Marge's trusted adviser, is alive still only because he is already dead.

.

Marge has plans in motion to raze 50 square blocks of downtown Allentown and build 10,000 boutiques. She is planning to make refugees of all low income residents, forcing them into the woods to forage, and planning to build a wall around the city to keep them out. The local police department will also be forced into the woods to be a Sheriff-of-Nottingham-type foil to the poor people living there. She is planning some sort of military action against all Spanish speakers in the city, and perhaps an assault against Spain itself. She plans to hurl petty thieves from the PPL Tower. Karl has been sharpening stakes on which Marge plans to impale any elected official who stands in her way, and I assume would include a good many of them.

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This is only the beginning.

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You may not know that in my time, my father was a vampire hunter and I followed in his footsteps. Things were slow as there were no vampires to hunt. But there was Marge. She is not a vampire, but you would be very interested to see her family tree. Sadly one day I had Marge in my sights in Romania but I slipped and slid down a mountainside to my death. (This of course was the death I suffered in 1900 in my own timeline, in which I grew to be a man. In this alternate timeline I unfortunately stumbled into the future, became a polar bear and was killed by a poacher.)

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I may have veered off topic here, so let me return to my proposal. If we were to hold a seance in this house we might be able to contact the spirit of my adult self who could then guide us in how to rid ourselves of Marge.

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I realize this plan is fraught with danger. The effect of two spirits of the same person occupying the same relative space could be cataclysmic. But with the sea monster approaching I think the time is now to act.