You messed up my new TV

So, Don, why do you want to be a character on Allentown is Nice?

Well, it looks like I'm going to have a lot of free time on my hands and I'm really funny. You should see me, I laugh all the time!

I have noticed that, but you know we already have two professional athletes working here, The Player, with whom you're familiar, and R. Dodger. They are very popular, at least with themselves.

I am aware of that Mr. Liker, but I was led to believe that both of those characters were dead.

That's not necessarily cut-and-dried. The Player is technically dead and he's gone to heaven. But he still visits the blog from time to time. The Dodger has had his head bitten off by a sea monster, however he's still talking and threatening to sue people. So I wouldn't say he's actually dead. In fact, I was dead myself and here I am.

I must say I was very pleased when Karl whacked The Player with his slingblade and killed him. You should have seen me laughing at that one. It was nearly as funny as the time I threw a four-yard swing pass about six feet over Westbrook's head in Cincinnati. If he caught it, he might have scored and we might have won. I laughed so hard.

Yes, I saw that. And I saw Sunday's game. You were so awful I think you messed up my new TV. Are there any other reasons why you believe you should be a character here?

Well, I'm a trend setter. For instance a week ago I didn't know an obscure rule about overtime in football, I mean I've only been around 10 years and I've only played in overtimes, maybe 10 times. Now I know the rule and a brought a lot of attention to it. This makes me a trend setter. ... Did I mention I like your tan?

Really? ... I have to be honest with you. I've been so busy and my schedule is a mess. I never know when I'm going to be around to even write the blog. Plus I'm still trying to decide if Allentown will be destroyed or not. Just as these may be the last days of you and Andy Reid, these are probably the final days of Allentown. I'm not sure I can fit you in.

Did I mention that I can dance? I do this moonwalk thing sometimes when I score.

You score? I forgot about that.

Or maybe I could help you out with the crows. I really don't get them or how they fit in with that Irish guy. ... And I don't get the deal with the other Irish guy. And what ever happened to Meg? She was cute.

Well, I guess that's on me. I need to put my guys in a better position to succeed. But I know what to do and we'll get it fixed.

Seems like I heard that in Cincinnati.