Things that are bugging me this morning

Cat vomit
Decaf
UGI

Next-door neighbors
Professional storytellers
Cancer
Walter (a cat)
Parking Authority

Whoever's wireless network I'm using

Breaking out

It's raining right now and since I haven't yet replaced my stolen down-spouts there's this hideous waterfall sound outside my front window. It's freaking out George (a cat) and not doing me any good either. But the sky is breaking and pretty soon I'll be tooling around the Parkway, as usual, plotting revenge scenarios. ...

Before I do that, here are five local places I like to go to eat or drink outside and one place I don't. I welcome any suggestions, good or bad.

Limeport Hotel -- I like this patio best because it's probably the most peaceful and definitely the most bucolic on this list.

Bellissimo -- This has just the right feel. It's not hard to ignore the odd loud radio or motorcycle on Tilghman Street.

Tally Ho -- A little second-floor deck. Best for lunch before it gets crowded.

Allentown Brew Works -- The biergarten is a nice spot with good potential. Needs some serious sprucing up.

Johnny Mañanas -- The PPL Plaza isn't exactly St. Mark's Square, but thanks to those falcons there aren't many pigeons.

Pistachio's -- Not for me. A few tables in a strip mall parking lot. I don't like it inside either.

Update: Somehow I forgot to mention the beer garden at the Allentown Fair. I see people here every year that I've never seen anywhere else. (I mean that in a nice way.) Also, I have high hopes for Mayfair this weekend.

wtf

From USA Today: At least seven men in five states have been fatally electrocuted since July while hacking through power lines to steal wire made of copper, which has been commanding near-record prices, police say.

Unfortunately I did not have power lines wrapped around my copper downspouts when they were stolen Wednesday night and no one was electrocuted.

This is the type of thing you might expect in the West End, but not here in the heart of Renaissance Square! At least that's how I perceive it.

Big, bad beetles

Beetles the size of a toy poodle? I don't want them hanging on my screen door or smashing the lightbulbs on my porch.

Pad Thai, yes. Gang Panang, most definitely. The Reclining Buddha, really cool. Thai rhinocerous beetles ... I'll pass, thanks.

However, if you want one of your own, here's one for sale on eBay:

http://cgi.ebay.com/20-Eupatorus-gracilicornis-M-unm-5-horned-rhino-beetle_W0QQitemZ260239072974QQihZ016QQcategoryZ29434QQcmdZViewItem

Dinner's on (anybody but) me

I like restaurants where the food comes in baskets and there's a pool table. But I also like to be wined and dined in style. So these are my five favorite local restaurants when I'm NOT paying:

Farmhouse, Emmaus: This is my favorite restaurant in the Valley, whether I'm buying or not. It's one of the few places I go with no notion of what I might order. What I do know is it will be an outstanding meal. There's a reason why Chef Michael Adams wins those awards and contests. I also like this place because they are really into good beer and pairing it with food. The tiny basement pub may be the best place around to try a sampler. http://www.thefarmhouse.com/

Bacio, Salisbury Township: I love the bar with its red walls and candles. Even I feel hip here swirling a vodka tonic. OK, that's a stretch. My veggie fiancee is always happy with Italian and usually orders a good salad and whatever meatless pasta they're willing to make. So be it. I usually order whatever seafood pasta special they have or go with the oso buco, my favorite. I must order a bottle of wine when I come here. http://www.bacio-restaurant.com/home.htm

Apollo, Bethlehem: We tend to eat here by default. We'll be in Bethlehem, stop in for happy hour and decide to stay for dinner. Each time it has been excellent, and, compared to some of the others on this list, fairly reasonable. Heck, I'd pay if I had to.
http://www.apollogrill.com/index_content.html

Tre Scalini, Bethlehem: The first time we went here it snowed and some of the staff didn't make it to work. Things were pretty screwed up and we were'nt too happy; however, we could see it was a great place and the circumstances were out of the owner's control. We figured we'd probably try it again. My fiancee called the next day to complain about our experience (she's a tough chick) and the owner apologized and asked us to come back, offering to buy our appetizers. We did and it was excellent. It's also a BYO.

Bolete, Salisbury Township: The food here may be every bit as good as the Farmhouse and the rustic atmosphere of the 200-year-old inn is very comforting. I've had two meals here recently, scallops and lamb shank. Both were as good as could be. I think my fiance had pasta with vegetables both times. (Yawn.) We had a pumpkin soup that was the best I ever tasted. The only drawback for me is the price. Bolete pushes the envelope on its appetizers and entrees and loses touch with reality on its cocktail prices. There's a thin line between getting what you pay for and feeling like you're being taken. For some it might be and entree that costs a few dollars more than a similar meal at the Farmhouse or the Apollo. For me it was the $9 bottle of mediocre pale ale. That's not just over the top, it's insulting. Good thing I'm not picking up the check.
http://www.boleterestaurant.com/

The longest primary

This new photo released by the Hillary Clinton campaign is proof that Clinton actually did come under sniper fire when she landed in Bosnia. Unfortunately for the then-first lady, her parachute caught on a church steeple and she hung there for hours, playing dead so the snipers would stop firing at her. She was hit in the foot and spent the rest of the war in a prison camp. So there.

Elvis sighting

When: May 8, 2008, 3 p.m.

Where: 100 block of South Lumber Street, Allentown, Pa.

Mode of transport: Blue minivan, late model, make unknown, driving north

Appearance: Looked good for man in his 70s. Still battling weight problem. Hair black, most likely dyed

Other: He winked and nodded