Down by the river, Part 2

... Yes Mr. Newman, I can be there in a jif.

With whom do you speak, Señor?

Don't worry your little head about it, Sidonia. My work is done here. I'm off!

But Señor, the armada is aflame and adrift. We are defeated.

Blah blah blah. Listen Sidonia, you're, like, 450 years old. You're already dead -- or you will be when St. Michael gets through with you. Anyway, ta-ta!

Dios mio! The angel swims away. ... Pendejo!

Can you move now, Gen. Trexler?

Yes, a little. Thank you.

That's what guardian angels are for!

Um ... you let me die once in a stupid car crash, remember?

Oh, get over it, tin man.

It's Helldog, here, folks. I'm reporting from the ruins of the Hamilton Street Bridge. ... As you know, Gabrielle took out one of Santa's reindeer with a surface-to-air missile and the battle sleigh seems to have crashed into the old Neuweiler brewery. I say seems because it has suddenly gotten quite foggy here on the Lehigh River and the fog, combined with the smoke from this furious battle has obscured my line of sight. There also seems to be a preponderance of crows in the area, perhaps attracted to the plentiful carrion aboard the the Spanish ships, most of which are either sinking or in flames.

Red Devil here, Helldog. Perhaps those crows are attracted to antique cars and trucks? I mean the Lehigh Valley Transportation Museum is right there, isn't it?

It sure is. And let me add, if I might, it is a beautiful facility. A real showplace for these noble vehicles and a great destination for the entire family. ... Of course it's been totally destroyed in the battle, but, still, truly, a marvelous facility.

Is there any sign of Gabrielle, Helldog?

Actually, no, Devil. A few minutes ago Gabrielle -- also known as archangel Gabriel -- jumped off the armada's flag ship and disappeared into the fog. ... What's going on at 9th and Hamilton?

Actually, Michael and Marge seem to be coming around. Ronan, however, doesn't look so hot. He's trailing what appear to be bowels after that nasty collision with Gen. Trexler's statue. It looks to me like he's lashing himself to a light standard just to keep from falling down.

Interesting stuff. Tough break for Ronan, though. ... But let's hope that battle resumes shortly.


Come, Gen. Trexler, we must get you back to the park.


The park? Out of the question! I haven't felt like this in years. We must defeat the Spanish ... and I have an empire to run ....

General, your war has been over for 110 years. You won ... I guess. And your empire ... well .... you wouldn't recognize it. You must return to your perch in the park.

Wait, angel. There may be another war for the general to fight.

Who are you?

Listen carefully. My name is Jack Bauer and I can only hold my breath for 35 minutes. Jesus' entire network has been compromised. Heaven has a mole at he highest level. You are the only ones I can trust. I'm going to need the help of you and the general here to uncover the conspiracy.

And how, Mr. Bauer, you propose we do that?

Torture, sir. We'll need someone to torture.

Goodness, this robe makes it hard to swim. I wish I were skinny-dipping.

Ah! A likely candidate approaches!

Come with us Gabriel, or I will pick your flowers, one by one.

Oh, you evil creature! Mr. Newman will have your head!

Torture is not nice, Mr. Bauer! You are a mean man. There are rules against torture.

Rules? Do terrorists follow rules? Does Marge follow rules? Is Ronan nice? What, we have to be better than they are, as they kill us one by one? No, I don't think so. And the courts? ... Let me tell you about justice ....

OK, OK! Jeez, do whatever you want. You're giving me a headache!

Oh, look! A crow swimming under water. How cute!

Come with me -- all of you.