Prepare the battle sleigh

As you can see, Allentown has really taken a beating from the guns of the Spanish Armada, who, under the direction of Gabrielle, seem to be unstoppable. As you can also see, the PPL Tower is one of the few buildings still standing.

Aye, lad. And poor St. Michael is taking a beating as well. Aside from having to fight the two giant demons, Gabrielle is using his fine angel sense of triangulation to target Michael.

Yea. A damn shame. He seems to be on his last legs. Whatever. What goes around comes around, right Mike?

I can't take much more of this. Some one has to stop the cannon fire.

And that Cuchulainn is pretty handy with a spear.

And that Marge knows how to chuck a bus.

Aye, lad. She has it down to science. First she tears off the front like it's a box of Goobers, eats the people inside and tosses it at Michael. She has good form, I'll give her that.

Atown-Liker! Come out. I need your help. It's up to you to stop the Spanish Armada.

Me? What the hell? You're the freakin' angel. How am I supposed to stop a 420-year-old navy?

Listen to me. Your life was spared for a reason. ... You know what you have to do. ... You have to pray.

Pray? Are you outta your mind?

You must. If you don't, everything around you will be destroyed.

Holy crap. ... All right, here goes. Um ... father, son, holy ghost. It's been 24 years since my last confession. ... Um, no that's not right.

Hurry! I won't last much longer.

OK, OK. Jeezo-whiz. Um, OK, listen. I know I don't ask for much ... I mean some of these yo-yos are asking you for stuff all the time, right? So please hear me now: Dear Santa, please help Michael out of this jam and get rid of the Spanish Armada. And get rid of freakin' Marge and the big Irish a-hole too. Thanks. Talk to you next year. ... Oh, one last thing. Would it be possible to get a gift receipt for that Nano you gave me? I really don't like that weird red color. ... How was that ?

We're doomed.

What the hell? Get me Santa on the horn.


Hey. I heard. What an a-hole!

... and Michael let him live. Listen, dude, could you do me solid and deal with this for me.

You bet. Anything for you, boss. ... You know there's nothing wrong with that color....

Actually that Touch you gave me is the same color. I ... got used to it. ... Oh, and if you get a shot at Gabrielle, take it.


Hmmm. Check. ... Hello? Get me Shinny Upatree. ... Shinny? Prepare the battle sleigh.

This is war!

So, Michael the Archangel thinks I am useless? I'll show him. I can do more than change diapers. ... I will save Allentown myself -- with the help of its greatest military hero, its bronze warrior, Harry C. Trexler! . ... Gen. Trexler, wake up! Your city needs you!

Who has disturbed me? ... How is this possible?


I am your guardian angel. Allentown is under attack by the Spanish Armada.


But we won the Spanish-American War. I should know, I was there. Wait ... my guardian angel? Where were you when I was in the car crash that killed me? Surely you could have warned my driver that a truck had stopped on the crest of that hill. ...


I am so sorry about that. You see, I had broken a lute string and, well ... I suppose it was an oversight. But let's not talk about the past. The important thing is that your city faces certain destruction if you don't use your military skills to stop the Spanish Armada. You've defeated the Spanish before ...


No, no, no. I'm not a fighter. I was a glorified clerk. A factotum with an undeserved military rank. I was in charge of the commissary in Puerto Rico. I was only made a general in the Pennsylvania National Guard because I was wealthy. I have no military skills. ... Did you say a lute?


Forget the lute. Focus. Your city is under attack. Don't you hear the cannon fire? Your own PP&L tower is being ruined as we speak.

My building? My beautiful building? Ho, Jack of Diamonds, come about, my faithful steed. We have been called to serve once again! ... What about my trolley company? Has that been attacked as well?


Um, it's ... gone, yes. ... Completely gone.


Damn Spaniards! Show the way angel; this is war!

One year ago ...

I reckon this is the place. ... Anybody home?


Marge! Come out! My name is Maximillian A. Bear, vampire hunter extraordinaire. I demand you come out!


I'm feeling a bit dizzy. Perhaps we should hide behind a rock.


Who has disturbed my beauty rest? More code enforcement inspectors? ... I shall have you impaled like the others!


Hmmm. You kinda purty. Hmm.


Oh, I see. ... Perhaps the impalement can be postponed. Won't you come into my castle young man? Your friends can wait outside.

Don't go with her Karl. She's a succubus. She has bewitched you.


Hmm. I rode a bus once when I left the nervous hospital. Don't remember it too much, 'cept I spent up some a my money.


Karl, is it? Well let me assure you, Karl, that this will be a ride you won't likely forget. ... And it won't cost you a penny.


Karl! Stay away! She intends to steal your seed and use it to create a demon child! When she is through with you she will kill you. She is ... she is ... she is actually quite enchanting isn't she? May I ask your name my lovely new friend?


Why aren't you the gentleman. My name is Vermiculite, but you, dear sir, shall have to wait your turn.

Maximillian! She has bewitched you as well. Snap out of it! Don't look at her!

I seen her first. Hmmm. I reckon I'm gonna have to kill you fellers.

Karl! You don't know what you are saying! Don't look into her eyes. ... Those beautiful eyes, those beautiful limpid pools of beady luminescence. ....

Such refined taste you have, my little toad. Tell me, are you green all over?

OK, bitch. I've heard about enough.

Ah, the rug speaks. How enchanting. A living rug to curl up with on a cold morning ... Imagine the possibilities.

Can it sister, I'm immune to your warty charms. We're looking for Marge and we're not leaving until we find her.

Then perhaps impalement would be to your liking. I suspect, rather, it would be. ... Karl, this rug seems quite dusty. Perhaps you would beat it for me.

Hmmm. Yes'm.

As for you other gentlemen, please form an orderly line. I shall be with your shortly. ... Drat! Not the crows.

Away succubus! Your spell is broken. Do not torment these people further or you shall suffer the wrath of the crows.

Tell us where Marge is.

Ah hell. Marge went to her vacation chalet in Turkey.


The turkeys are our enemy.



Dude, let it go. We must travel to Turkey.



I don't suppose you could leave the big one behind? ... Didn't think so. What's a girl gotta do anymore to find a nice date?

Maybe if you didn't impale them?