ALLENTOWN IS NICE: March 2008

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Too hard to keep?

I'm interested in the old breweries of the

Lehigh Valley, particularly in Allentown, and I collect relics of beer companies such as Neuweiler's, Daeufer-Lieberman and Horlocher in Allentown; Seitz and Kuebler in Easton; Widman and Supreme in Bethlehem; Eagle of Catasauqua; and the Northampton Brewing Co., among others. I have I-don't-know-how-many beer trays, as well as bottles, coasters, labels, clocks, thermometers, signs, bottle openers, foam scrapers, ashtrays, matches ... you name it. It's a pile of old junk, yes, but it's junk with a theme.

Why I decided to collect this stuff, I don't know. But I think it has something to do with the old Neuweiler building on Front Street. Something about that elegant eyesore has always fascinated me. Since I first saw the building I wanted to know more about it. That got me interested in the old local breweries, which led to my interest in Prohibition-era Allentown. Then I saw a Neuweiler beer tray in a junk shop and I had to buy it. Then the animal steins. Then, Deaufer trays and ... well, it just snowballed.

Last I heard the city was wrangling with a New Jersey developer over control of the decrepit building, a la the Colonial or Sal's, but to what end I don't know. There always seems to be some nebulous scheme to redevelop the site floating just out of reach. All that's missing is the money. Frankly, I'm afraid, somewhere down the line, maybe before the brewery reaches 100 in five years, it's got a date with a wrecking ball. I don't think there's a grant big enough, a KOZ tough enough or a developer crazy enough to take it on.

While it's still here, here are some nice shots of the inside of the white mammoth from the Urban Exploration Web site, UER. There are plenty more at : http://www.uer.ca/locations/show.asp?locid=23939

Remember this?

If the soldiers ever figure out how to get across that canyon, those hippies will be in so much trouble!

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

An earworm for you

This diabolical song has been the soundtrack of my life for four days now. It haunts me still. Click here if you dare:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-_S699qfY0A&feature=related

Sunday, March 23, 2008

Picking at the carcass

Cannons may have served as my rec room for nearly 20 years but it's gone now and it's not coming back. Add it to last year's count of city homicides.

Neighbors in the historic district don't want the downstairs turned into an apartment and new owner Cityline recently withdrew those plans at least temporarily. Ideally, I'm assuming, opponents of that plan would like to see the building deconverted into a single family home.

Is that economically feasible? I don't know, but I doubt it. The cost of the refit is likely to be more than the building is worth. Lehigh County has appraised it at $62,000. Cityline, for the record, is listing it for sale at $125,000, minus the liquor license.

The more likely option may be as a corner store -- or bodega as the real estate listing notes -- retaining the apartment that already exists on the second floor.

I'm pretty sure the neighborhood doesn't want another bar there. I mean these are the same folks who complained about the noise -- right? -- ending the days when you could see the Buzz Band or Zen for Primates on a Thursday night.

A bar's not likely to happen. Cityline wants $200,000 for the license. Add that to the price of the building and you've got a lot of glasses of beer to sell in a neighborhood that appears to be on the brink.

Ultimately I guess I don't care what they do with the carcass; its soul flitted away when it shut down for good in June.

http://www.lehighcounty.org/Assessment/Puba.cfm?doc=ViewProperty.cfm&pin=549782947414&parnum=1

http://lvarmls.rapmls.com/scripts/mgrqispi.dll?APPNAME=Lehigh&PRGNAME=MLSPropertyDetail&ARGUMENTS=-N833661702,-N174328,-N,-A,-N17515266

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

St. Patrick is hot!

Well, I may have missed St. Patrick's Day, but Paris Hilton and Terrell Owens did not. They are shown here dancing the night away at an Allentown hot spot where they enjoyed green tacos and margaritas.

By the way, T.O., I don't think that's her real phone number.

Meanwhile ...

... A group of Allentonians has traveled into the past in an attempt to kill the demon Marge before she comes to Allentown and destroys the city. However, they have repeatedly failed in those attempts. They have bungled them so badly, in fact, that they have created an Alternate Timeline in which Marge lives quietly in her chalet in Turkey and calls herself Mrs. Egram, in which she never eats her brother Ronan and in which she becomes a significantly less evil demon than the one that is destroying Allentown in the present. The time travelers -- demon hunter extraordinaire Maximillian A. Bear, his son Max Jr. (formerly the polar bear cub spirit Max), Karl, the Green Guy and Truman (the ghost who was transformed into a flying polar bear rug when he escaped from Marge via the Secret Room time portal) -- find themselves trapped in Alternate Time, having run afoul of the Crows (principally through eating several of them) who previously had assisted in their journeys through time. The time travelers have joined with Mrs. Egram in an attempt to travel to non-Alternate Allentown to stop Marge in the present time, where St. Michael the Archangel struggles with steroid detoxification as he continues to be locked in mortal combat with Marge in the streets of downtown Allentown, which has largely been transformed into a smoldering ruin. Meanwhile still-unemployed super agent Jack Bauer and a small band of followers have traveled to Parallel time to battle a new enemy to heaven itself -- the deceased actor Paul Newman, or so they believe. Newman took control of Parallel heaven and initiated the celestial lockdown protocols, blocking travel to and from Parallel Time. However one portal remains open -- that guarded by the mysterious Old Donovan in a forgotten comfort station deep beneath downtown Allentown. It was believed that Newman seized Parallel Heaven after drugging Jesus with tainted tortilla chips; however, a new story seems to be emerging. The Bauer party, however, has been separated, with Bauer traveling to the Parallel Antarctic Vatican; Atown-Liker ending up in the TV Chef Network Studios, where he is reunited with the Countess of Monaco, who has be retransformed from a sea monster back into a woman who sort of looks like a sea monster; and the Player washing up at Parallel Atown Liker's headquarters. Also, Rudolph and Gen. Trexler have been banished to hell for not answering Old Donovan's questions correctly and Bubbles, the little angel, was banished to the Macungies. Their fates will be determined at some point in a flashback. Meanwhile, Bauer has learned that Newman is not his target. The enemy of heaven is actually the Crows, who are attempting to bring about the Apocalypse through the use of an ancient holy artifact being guarded at the South Pole by Parallel Pope Boneyface. Meanwhile, while in Parallel Time, non-Parallel Atown-Liker was nosing around Parallel Atown-Liker's headquarters where he either had a massive hallucination or was transported to Dickensian London via a Secret Armoire. Meanwhile, the Irish warrior Cuchulainn remains dead after being mortally wounded by Trexler; and the Spanish Armada, led by turncoat Archangel Gabriel, remains quiet after being defeated by an underwater assault by Trexler and the frightening firepower of Santa's Battle Sleigh 1. With the help of Little Ronan (a.k.a. Parallel Time-Alternate Timeline Purgatory Ronan) and [[[Spoiler Alert!]]] Rudolph, Santa recovered sufficiently enough from depression, substance abuse and the death of Prancer to deliver the goods on Christmas. Meanwhile, the fate of Ponzi remains unclear. Previously Newman sent his small dog into Parallel Time to ingratiate himself with President Madoff and to steal Madoff's investment fund. Ponzi was forced into hiding after angering Kevin Bacon, the Muppet Bert and some TV chefs who have vowed to cook and eat him.