Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Monday, August 2, 2010
Step away from the device
You hold it right there, fancy boy. What the hell did you do to my bear?
I meant no harm to your bear, dear sir. He had walked off with one of my instruments and I was merely attempting to retrieve it.
You killed him!
I assure you, sir, the bear is not dead. I simply applied a sleeper hold on him. Shortly, he will be frolicking about as if nothing happened.
He better be. ... What the hell is that thing anyway?
This? ... Why it is nothing more than a simple hot dog roll divider.
You're a damn liar! I know a polar destabilization device when I see one.
I assure you sir, I know nothing of this ....
Save it, bug-eye. ... Wait a cotton pickin' minute. ... You aren't on my list. ... You don't belong in this realm do you?
Well, you seem to have the advantage, sir. If you must know, I am an interdimensional tourist and I seem to have lost my way. Perhaps you could assist me ...
Bullshit! You're a damn interdimensional trespasser. Now step away from the device.
Yawn.
You see sir. It's just as I said. The bear is fine. ... And now I'd like to take my leave.
You ain't goin' nowhere, boy. ... Now step away from that device or I'll blast you right off this shish kebob.
You know about the shish kebobs?
I'm freakin' Santa, goddam it! Of course I know about the shish kebobs. Now step away from that device. ... Slowly.
Sir, this is just a grave misunderstanding.
The only thing grave around here ... what's that noise? ... What the hell?
I believe that's my ride. I bid you adieu.
POOF!