Damn the volcano!

Excuse me, Gorgon, I must take this call. ... Hello? Bramwell Bramwell speaking.

Hello? Mr. Bramwell? ... It is I, Mrs. Egram.

Mrs. Egram, what a lovely surprise!

May I enquire as to when we shall depart for Parallel Time?

It is not advisable at this time, I am afraid. ...

Well, I am afraid that that is simply unacceptable, Mr. Bramwell.

My dear Mrs. Egram, please call me Bramwell. I am afraid the recent volcanic eruption in Iceland has disrupted travel to alternate universes in this timeline. I am so sorry.

Unacceptable! I demand to be taken to Parallel Time!

But Mrs. Egram. We must wait. The danger of travelling at this time is accute. ...

Damn the volcano! ... What is that noise? Do I hear a phone ringing?

Excuse me. I am terribly sorry. ... Gorgon? Is that your phone??


Caw!

It has to be true

What do you have to report?


Caw! Master, I have been reading the blogs ....


Guards! Execute this crow! He has gone mad!


But wait. Hear me! ... It is about the relic.


Wait. Let him caw.


Have you heard of the Great White Crow?


Heresy! Guards!


Wait, wait. They say the Great White Crow is under the ice in Antarctica in Parallel Time....


Under the ice? Caw!


Master, I read it on a blog. It has to be true.


Kill him immediately.


Caw.


Under the ice in Parallel Time ... hmmm.

Like birds in a tree

So, you are seeking access to Parallel Time so that you may return to non-Parallel Time, but in another timeline?


Yes. We want to go to Parallel Time and return to non-Alternate non-Parallel Time.


Some might find that phrase insulting, ghost.


Who are you calling a ghost?


You see, though I am somewhat of a time tourist, I am a native of this timeline. What may be Alternate Time for you is non-Alternate Time for me, and for you, I suspect, my lovely new friend.


Oh! Indeed. Hee hee!



Would you like more honey for your tea, Mrs. Egram? I am afraid, however, the purest honey could not hope to be as sweet as your smile.

Oh dear me! No sugar, thank you. Tee hee!


Hmm. Lookit. Ol' Marge a blushin'.


Oh, brother.


In fact, sir, your very terminology -- Alternate Time versus non-Alternate Time -- betrays your egocentricity. Like birds in a tree we are actually surrounded by hundreds of what you call alternate timelines branching out around us.


Hmmm. Like crows?



Let us not speak of the crows.


Mmmm. On my way to the toilet I seen you have yerself a crow in a cage in that room over yonder. Mmm.


Um, he is a pet. I call him Gorgon. ... Corvids are most intelligent creatures. At times, I find their company more pleasant than that of humans. ... Present company excluded, of course, my dear Mrs. Egram.


Tee hee!


Where was I? Ah, yes. The branches of time. ... As I see it, your plan has a fatal flaw. Through the use of the I Ching paddles I can help you to reach the place that you call Parallel Time, but once there, it will be very difficult to return you to the timeline of your choosing. The wrong choice could prove fatal. Many of the branches of time are quite inhospitable to human life. It could be, for instance, that you return to an earth that remains in an Ice Age, or one that is still a molten mass enveloped in poisonous gases. In short, your journey will be fraught with unspeakable dangers. Are you positive you wish to undertake it?


You had me at paddles.

Long live the Olympics

Purity. Body. Flavor. Long live the Olympics!

He was jealous

What's wrong, Carrot Top?


Oh, some mean dude said I look like Chucky.

You know what? He was probably jealous of your big arms.

That's probably right! He was jealous. Look at me. I am so ripped!

Damn right. You are huge, my man. He was so jealous. So what if you've had a little work done. You look great!


I bet he can't do this!

Man, I would kill for your eyebrows. In fact, I might.


Hey, I heard there's a new post on Parallel Time.