That's important ... isn't it?

We're back, ladies and gentlemen. Thanks for tuning in. Red Devil here broadcasting from our newest hell portal at 6th and Linden where we are about to witness the final battle between good and evil. Helldog, what do you think of this beautiful facility?

It's just gorgeous, Red Devil. We're sharing the place with the federal prosecutors now and those guys are lots of fun.

Didn't there used to be a newspaper here somewhere?

Yes. There still is in a corner over by the printing presses. Actually, see those two guys down the hall looking out the window? I think they're in charge.

Hey fellas. I'm not one to tell another guy how to run his business, but the final battle between good and evil is about to take place right across the street. Shouldn't you be covering it?

Are we covering this, Mike?

Ah, we're gonna catch up with it tomorrow, Dave.

Well, jeez Mike, I don't know. ... The final battle between good and evil. I mean, that's important ... isn't it?

Big news day, Dave. I can't spare anybody today to cover it. We're swamped. Besides, nobody cares about Marge anymore.

What's Manny doing?

Dumpster fire in Moore Township.

Is that a big deal?

They saved some puppies. We have video.

Puppy video? Cool. Where is Moore Township anyway?

Who cares? We have puppy video!

What about Callaway, does he still work here?

Special assignment. ... Remember the kid who rented a horse and carriage to take his girlfriend to the prom?

Who could forget that? Compelling stuff. Just compelling.

Well, it's the three-month anniversary of that story. We're doing a retrospective.

Enough said. What about Hartzell?

No can do. They're filling some potholes on 22. We have video.

Pothole video. ... Sweet! Can we borrow somebody from sports?

Can't do it. They're following that IronPigs dog that got lost a few months ago. We got a tip he might run away again. He's wearing a collar cam.

An investigative piece! Great. ... Howabout an intern? I think we ought to get something on this final battle thing. I think Chicago gave us another three inches in the news section tonight.

Hmm. I'll see if I can shake somebody loose. Let me get on the horn to the newsroom. ... Who's got three inches for me tonight? I need three inches for my news hole! ... What? Your kidding! ... This is great stuff! ... Dave, forget the final battle between good and evil. We have real, actual breaking news!

Seriously?

It's the deep-fried pizza guy! You will not believe what he's frying now!

Puppies? ... Heart medicine? .... What?!?

Fried pizza! He's gonna fry pizza that's already been fried! Can you believe it? He's a freakin' genius!

Ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod!! Where does he come up with this stuff??? Let's get a chopper in the air!

We gotta Tweet this now! ... And somebody get me some video!!

Wow! So this is New Media.

If it's on some blog, I reckon it must be true

Truman! Where have you been?


I've been snooping around. Listen, we've got trouble.

Of course we've got trouble. We've been waiting here above Marge's chalet for days, yet there is no sign of her.

That's only part of the trouble. ... Remember the previous attempt we made on Marge's life right here? The rockslide that killed her two menservants?

No.

Precisely! None of us do.

But the crows assured us that we did make the attempt, but failed, and that we are here now to re-set the course of history.

So where's Marge?


Mmm. I reckon she down in that house a yonder. Hmmm.

But she was supposed to be out and about in her litter days ago when we were to drop these rocks upon her. How is it possible that something that happened once would not happen again when we revisit that moment in history?

Because it's the wrong history.

The wrong history? Explain yourself.

Remember when we went to Japan in 1868 to kill Marge?

Yes, unfortunately.

I reckon we sorta messed that up. Mmm.

If my memory serves me correctly, I believe it was Truman who prevented me from killing the demon.

Whatever. Just listen, OK? The first time we tried to dump the rocks on Marge in Japan, she got stuck in a cave with Ronan and ate him. Her life as a full-blown demon began right there. Before that she was just a demonic creature. When the crows took us back the second time ...

... according to the crows. I don't recall the first attempt.

Because you weren't born yet.

... Ronan was trapped in the cave with Karl, not Marge.

I reckon I was gonna eat that boy at the time, tho that boy never hurt nobody. Mmmm. Then that St. Michael feller come in an give me some french fried potaters. Hmmm.

It's true. St. Michael intervened. And when we rescued Karl from the cave he was alone, eating potatoes.

Exactly! St. Michael took young Ronan away. Marge never ate him. She's not a demon now, she's just a big, old, evil jerk.

And she got bad breath. Mmmm. So I reckon our work here is done.

Wrong! We didn't kill Marge and take her away from history. We changed Marge. We didn't change history, we killed history and created an alternate timeline!

Preposterous!

I wish it were. The crows wrote about it on their own blog.

So, the crows plan to kill us?

Oh my goodness. I feel feint.

If it's on some blog, I reckon it must be true.

So what shall we do?

Ever hear the expression "eat crow"? Well, I've had one already. Tasty.

I reckon we'll eat up some a them crows and then go have a talk with Marge.